Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Why can't we have the fairytale?

This weekend, I found out that two of my friends marriages were ending. I was not happy. I encourage all of my married couples to make sure they have done all possible for the success of the relationship before ending it. My counsel is to seek wise counsel - pray together; and then get into counseling. Fight for your marriage. Don't let the enemy win.

When I heard about my friends marriages, I just wanted to ask God why. Why can't we have the fairytale? Why wont you let our marriages survive?

It seems so unfair that our children have divorced parents, and go through the heartache of mom and dad separating physically, emotionally and spiritually. It seems so unfair that after loving each other enough to commit to a lifetime together, a number of years have equated to enough.

I know that these friends have loved enough, forgiven enough, fought enough, cried enough, tried enough, survived enough, prayed enough, and even stayed enough that they should have been guaranteed successful marriages, the same as I should. Where else do you give all of yourself to another person and a cause for 10-15 years and then end up severed from that person? Eventually you return to stranger status. Where does that happen?

But life does not work like that. Even as I was asking God why, He was reminding me that His ways and thoughts are higher than ours, and our limited love is much different than His unlimited love. If some relationships do not last for a lifetime, it is not the end of the world. Nor is it the end of the story.

The further I grow into this divorced person that I am, trusting God with each new step in the process, the more I realize that I still have to pray for my ex husband and care for him. He is not a stranger. He is the man that I loved enough to take a journey that I would not with another man.  I loved him enough to have his children and support his dreams. Really, that love does not disappear, it is just redirected. A lot of times it turns into bitterness and anger, if we do not understand that God has given us the imperative to love beyond reason.

I sometimes think my ex husband is the most frustrating person walking the face of the planet earth. I wonder why he is still speaking in the same atmosphere in which I am living. But I still have the capacity to love him beyond his faults and pray for his needs. I am not a saint, and I will tell him what I think of his best laid plans that are all for naught faster than I can remember my Godly purpose is to love past pain, which is temporary, and into life, which is empowering.

I am still hurt that my friends marriages are suffering, and maybe ending in divorce. I want them to survive. I want the enemy to lose at all cost. I want my own failed marriage to be an anomaly, not the norm. I want to pray for them with a power that wins. But in the end, I want them to be able to love each other beyond pain. Love beyond their normal capacity for love - like Jesus did.

1 comment:

  1. This is heartfelt. Please keep writing and blessing people.