Friday, November 4, 2011

Stronger and Wiser

Can you complete this sentence? If this happens__________; then this will happen__________. I have been working through a Beth Moore bible study on the book of Esther, and at a point she asks a similar question. What happens when you ask yourself about what will happen when the thing that you fear actually comes to fruition? In Moore's study, she suggests that the thing most likely will never happen, and the whole concept is that we need to trust God in spite of whether that feared concept happens or not.

I wanted to call Beth up and tell her that I do trust God in spite of the odds, and many of my fears have come to fruition, and I'm still standing. I don't even have to complete the sentence anymore. One might say what if a spouse or significant other cheats on me? I will just die. No you won't. You will find an inner strength and understand that he comes from a background and has a weakness somewhere in him that is crying out for help.

You may or may not be the woman who can stand by him while he gets that help. But you had best believe, you are the woman who can reach out for the hand of Jesus, who can and will help you through the hurt and betrayal of a moment in time. The first time I knew my husband cheated, I forgave him. It was never a deal breaker, because I expected it of men. The next time, it made me judge his character. Finally, it became a deal breaker because it was a was about discipline and self control, and about love and respect for me. But it did not kill me. Instead it made me define my self worth and what I wanted my children to know about a woman's worth and a man's respect thereof.

Frantic children might say, if my mother or father dies, I don't think I will be able to make it. Yes, you will. You will realize that that parent has poured into you the very best they had to give you and it would be trampling on their legacy for you to give up now. It is ours to stand on the shoulders of our ancestors, not sit on the curb where they once made history.

I looked up at the window from which my father fell to his death, and I felt the quickening of my pulse and anxiety rising in my being. "Be still my soul." I spoke aloud. "He wouldn't want to come back here." It's alright to miss a loved one, but not to stay in the moment of the loss. They are NOT watching over you - to believe so is to believe they are in torment as they spend their eternity watching the messes you are making on this earth. They are in eternal rest and peace. The only way you get to catch them up on the Days of Our Lives is to go where they are. Get right saints, and lets go home.

Materialistic people might say, if I had to walk away from all of this today, what would I do? You would do just fine. I walked away from a completely furnished Victorian home with one basket full of clothes for my children and myself and moved into a 2 bedroom garden studio. The Holy Spirit spoke to me when I walked into the apartment and said that this was the place. I brought my children to see it and they walked through and said 'mom, this is our home'. We moved in over the next week. We have been here over a year now, and every single piece of furniture is new. It is fully furnished. We still have clothes, furniture, toiletries, etc., at the old house.

One week after I moved in here, my Doctor called and told me I had to go into surgery 5 days later. Six weeks after that surgery, I had a stroke like migraine that was the beginning of a year long health debacle which has left me still searching for answers. The whole way God has provided for every need and even some of our desires.

Of course, in all of this I have asked God, why? Why does this need to happen in my life? God doesn't really answer why questions for me. He gives me another, more relevant question. What now? What will you do now? Will you use what you have learned in the midst of this trial to live again, or will you sit in a corner and act like that will make the next tribulation pass you by? Life can still see you in that corner. Your destiny is still yours and if you let fear keep you from it, you will have just walked through your life WITHOUT LIVING. But you still went through.

These trials come to make us stronger. Look at yourself and see what kind of stuff you are made of - question your faith, your fortitude, your character - then think about whether you can or even want to finish the statement if, then. Or would you rather be the type of person who says, Whatever be tide, God is the master of the earth and sea, and safe in His arms is where He holds me?


  1. I know this a long journey and I so can relate to every thing you have written here! I know God is my healer and he will see me through his really rough patch in my life. I thank God everyday for healing,strength,wisdom. I know right now I'm broken, but through counseling and prayer this too will pass.

  2. It is so important to embrace living and not get stuck in the passing part of this too shall pass. I believe that the rough patch is the valley moment. What we know about God is that in the valley is where we get new tools, new provisions! Look past the human conditions of the situation and find out what the new tools are in the situation. Not only does it give you something to do besides dwelling on the situation, it helps you to keep your mind staid on Jesus. Seek ye first the kingdom of heaven and all of His righteousness and all other things shall be added unto you.