Initially, I was bereft at the thought of losing Aunts, Uncles, cousins; even one of my closest friends’ who was my sister-in-law in the divorce action. I was risking relationships that had been cultivated with care because of something perpetrated by my ex.
Truthfully, the magnitude of the impending loss kept me in the marriage longer. I just didn’t want to lose my family - for my sake and the sake of my children.
Have you ever been in a really good phone conversation and the call drops, but the other person doesn’t call you back? The conversation never gets finished, but it was a good conversation. That is how some of the familial relationships ended. I was in what I thought was a relevant personal relationship with some people that just abruptly ended when the ink dried on the divorce papers.
I consider these folks to be the Beautiful People from Nikki Lynette’s song. You know the kind – smile in your face, all the time they try to take your place? Yes, some of those.
However, there are a few people with whom the relationship changed, but only because it became more certain. My husband’s family knew what he was doing before I did. There were those who neither appreciated nor condoned it, and continued to love and encourage me as a divorced parent.
Those are the relationships I treasure, and intend to expend more energy and time cultivating anew.
I had several very close personal relationships that ended bitterly. I learned from the experience that real relationships grow through adversity. If somebody is not in it for you, they really are against you.
For awhile I felt like Vickie Winans’ singing – I been lied on, scorned, talked about sure as I’m born….I wanted to tell some people (and probably did) that they were truly the spawn of the enemy.
The Word say be either hot or cold, because lukewarm is still sending you to hell. Make up your mind which way you are going and go hard in that direction. Lukewarm people are haters in disguise. They will make you stronger. Let ‘me go. You have been through enough not to have the support of someone you loved who called you friend.
Take solace in the fact that the beautiful people are all over the place like freaking reject-thriving bloods sucking western Somalian mosquitoes being pretty on the outside and horridly ugly inside. They are not your enemy as much as they are the enemy of themselves. Remove yourself ( and your children) from any endeavor with these people for the time being.
Increase your time spent cultivating right relationships with those extended family members you get to 'keep' in the divorce. Keep your eyes wide open based on the experience you are having. People will show you who they really are.