Is it time to start dating? I feel ambiguous about the whole idea. Some days I don’t feel attractive and think of all the work I would need to do to feel that way, and still at others I feel like a relationship would be bondage. Who returns to bondage after being freed?
I like the company of men, love talking to them within the ease of friendship. I am happy with that. I feel calm in the place I am in, concentrating on raising two children and giving them my undivided attention in a loving and undisturbed home environment.
But is it time for me to date again? To think about giving myself to a man? Well, I have thought about givvvving myself to a man, but you know what I mean.
There are so many things I miss about being married. Okay. One. Maybe two. The point is, I can count them all on one hand. Unless I count how many times I miss one of them, then I would need a few people’s hands and toes. Ha.
I miss regular and spontaneous sex. I miss visiting family in other cities and States and family trips. I love road trips. I miss some of my family who deserted, but I suppose I am better off without fair-weather maniacs. Oh, and extra income. I think that is it.
And random cuddling. I could have bought a Bichon Frise but I would have had to clean up after that bitch too.
Here is my point – I miss the idea of a family unit, more than I miss the missing person from that unit. We have a new unit now – my children and I. I almost shudder at the thought of having anyone interrupt our symmetry.
I don’t want to compromise my routine or share the time that is for my children. I don’t want to share the desires and dreams of another person, outside of my siblings, and my couple of very best friends in all of the ages, unless I am being paid very well to do so. Even then, only during work hours, and with reasonable restrictions. (Did anyone else notice how many times the word "I" was used in the last two paragraphs? Only reinforces my points.)
I would like to have someone to go to a nice event with, or with whom regular and sometimes spontaneous but also very safe sex could be had (yes, I know that is not in line with the Word). At least that person who would serve as a great escort to fundraisers, dinners, and as dinner.
When I was young, there were several bachelors who lived near my family. These men never married. They were always nice to us girls, in an older Uncle kind of way. They very rarely bought women to the bachelor pad. They seemed most happy with their lives. The world was different then.
Maybe I am on the way to getting ready to being almost ready to date in a serious way. Clearly, I am only ready for fun. Is that still allowable?