Friday, December 16, 2011

And this just in...

The non permanent appearance of happiness and distress, and their disappearance in due course, are like the appearance and disappearance of summer and winter seasons.
                                                        Bhagavad Gita
Recovering from any traumatic circumstance can be a daunting process. Whether it be illness, divorce, death or even financial ruin, there is surely going to be an assault on your mind and your Spirit if you dare to mend and live again. It is part of our destiny that arrows will come by day and by night - if we dare to stand.

In this past year, there have been tests and testimonies, trials and triumphs, the nature of which I never imagined, in my life. Me: always independent, worker, studier, faithful to a fault; caregiver, provider, fixer of things in general wherever they seem amiss - sidelined by a somewhat mysterious illness with no real known origin and no definitive cure. One of those hidden diseases that allows me to look normal everyday (okay, NEARLY every day) even while uncontrollable symptoms rage through my nervous system producing incapacitating pain.
There really are some things that are beyond my control. Who knew? At some point, my very own body has turned traitor and revolted. Fibromyalgia will do that. This disease has rendered me unable to work, and sometimes not able to pay a bill that before was a routine task. Some days, I have even doubted myself whether all this is real - how could a perfectly healthy woman go through two years of illness and come out in this condition? God knows this was not my plan for my life.

I find strength in the fact that this too shall pass. Tomorrow promises not to be the same as today. 3 months from now will certainly not present the same circumstance or pomp as this present moment. We have the promise that right now God is working out something in us that will be for our good and for the good of others.

I've had to learn to accept the goodwill of others, while also knowing the difference between goodwill and burden. No matter how much people want to help you, you can only be a receiver for so long before it becomes a burden. I have embraced the knowledge that I can give of myself in so many other ways than I previously knew. I've mustered up a seed of faith and watched it snowball into a garden of fortitude. The hope that makes me not ashamed and keeps me pushing forward is that I have this treasure in my earthly body that must be revealed.

I may have to defy my doctors to get back to work, because a man that doesn't work doesn't eat. Yep, I know that word really pertained to men in the gospel story, but in our society it pertains to everybody. In the mean time, I am building my health, my character, my Spirit - all to fulfill the promise that is within me.

I have a lot planned for 2012, including a methodical plan for success.  
How things look on the outside of us depends on how things are on the inside of us.


No comments:

Post a Comment