Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Ready to Go at it Again?

I love music of all kinds. One of my favorite artists is Ne-Yo, a writer and musician. A lot of his music is in the soundtrack of my life over the past 5 years.

I saw the movie 'Act like a Woman, Think Like a Man' with my sisters, which we took for what it was, and had a great time. We did not look at the book or the movie as a manifesto for relationships, but just as Steve Harvey's book based on what he saw happening to women in relationships. It was funny, intuitive and a good read.

The movie was the same - funny, intuitive, and a blast. The soundtrack is awesome. There is a new artist on the soundtrack, Ravaughn, and she appears to be produced by Ne-Yo. Her song is "Same Ol' BS" and the video is below.

(Warning - lyrics include the word BS -just in case you are not intuitive enough to figure that out from the title)

Her voice is awesome. The lyrics reminded me of conversations I have had with friends. Am I really ready to date again, or am I avoiding it because I realize that I am going to encounter the same ol' BS? I don't doubt that God can make a good man. I doubt that man can maintain goodness. What I want is not to have to compromise.

Ne-Yo released a song that reminded me the days I most enjoyed about being married. It's called Lazy Love, and it is below. It is a tiny bit explicit - just a little bit. I just remember loving those days and I don't ever want to have to reconcile that with infidelity again.



I'm a little gun shy on relationships. That's part of the reason why I'm celibate. I cannot reconcile that with God and come to a compromise. (Go figure - God doesn't compromise!) I am not to the place where I want a union with another person. The state of our society doesn't suggest that there is a reason for a man to be good until he is tired of being bad. Even a supposedly saved man can wander. I have too much to do to be bothered with that duality.

I feel so much better emotionally not subjecting myself to the emotional childishness and lack of discipline many men walk around sporting like a badge. I know my limitations, and I 'm not really good at sex as sport, so I abstain. I found that I can't give all of myself to a person if I don't trust that he isn't giving parts of himself to others.

Where do you find yourself on this issue? I know it's a matter of trust. How often should you extend trust to another individual? What are your thoughts? I want to hear them...

13 comments:

  1. Trust is a big issue in relationships. If you don't have it, usually the relationship may not be as successful as you would want it to be. When I was younger and got into the dating scene around 19/20 years old, I was cautious and was unsure of who to trust when I got to know someone. I didn't jump into something quickly and if I wasn't feeling it after a while, then I moved on. I'm like you, I can't give all of myself to someone if I'm not comfortable with them with trust or anything else.

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    1. I am working really hard on the trust issue, but I am not doing well. I still prefer my to be by myself than to risk my trust being broken again.

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  2. Ah - this is such a hard thing. But - just like when one of your best girl friends does you wrong, and betrays your friendship, you don't think - "I will NEVER have a friend again!!!" We have to remember that every person is different, every relationship is different, and that what happened in the last one does NOT mean the next one will be bad too....

    And remember - we don't marry everyone we date. No one does. Which means we all go through lots of heartache and the "wrong" relationships before we finally find the right one :)

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    1. You are right - I don't think I will never have a friend again, but I do think I will not have THAT friend again. I guess I just need to get out and date, and remember what you are saying - I am not going to marry everyone I date.

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  3. I am at a loss for words. I didn't date much - I mean I married at just turning 17, a year after graduating HS - how many dates could I have had as a "kid" really. But, I have been blessed with a wonderful husband of 40+ years. I would not trade him for any other person on this earth -- the best part, is he loves me even more than THAT. He always has - it was me he put first and still does. He doesn't call me by name, he calls me "beautiful" tho I have never felt one iota of beauty even sneak into this body. I cannot even place myself in someone else's position with regard to these things. Thank you God for that!

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    1. My sister married a year out of high school, too. She had a wonderful husband until he was taken in death. I would like to have a love like that. Congratulations.

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  4. I never really dated. I pretty much always just jumped right in. I guess that's part of my horrible self esteem. I'm not proud to admit that, but, it is what it is. I can't go back and change that, and I'm not sure that I would. I learned that most men are in it for what they can get, and I finally found the one I want to spend my life with. :)

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  5. I am divorced and and the man I was with was not one who was created to do well with me. Now, I've found someone who is good but had to be broken on that same stone to understand that I would need him to be kind to me while I got over feeling like my divorce was a horrible betrayal. I'm happy to have found him.

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  6. When I met hubby, it was at a time when I was not really looking and was not really expecting to fall in love. A friend introduced us and at the time I was just NOT interested. Nevertheless, we spoke a lot by phone and had some really deep conversations. Believe it or not, we spoke via phone for almost 6 months before we had our first "date". But by then, I felt like I really knew him and from that point on we knew we would be together.

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    1. Excellent report. When a man finds a wife he finds a good thing. I like the way your relationship progressed. You have the basis of a good friendship.

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  7. I was married but was never happy. After my divorce, I felt a lot better about myself. I tried to force myself into other relationships but they never made me happy. When I found my girlfriend, Rachel, everything fell into place. I felt free for the first time in my life. I knew I had finally found true love. I think if I would have met her earlier in life, before going through hell in previous relationships, I would not have appreciated her as much... maybe wouldn't have realized she was "the one". So I know that everything happens for a reason, and in time you will realize when you find the right person for you. :) Good luck. <3

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    1. I hope and pray that I am available for that person when they come along - able to trust by that time. I am constantly a work in progress. SO happy that happened for you.

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  8. "The man" and I are taking things slowly and getting to know each other as if we were strangers. We have known each other since grade school and have had a relationship before but it has been interesting to see how much we have grown up, they way we have changed and how some things never change over time!

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