Friday, May 4, 2012

Damages Clause

Sometimes I feel burdened by divorce, even penalized. These are wrongly inflicted damages for which there is no monetary reward large enough to compensate. I randomly tell my ex-husband when I am bleeding from a wound he previously inflicted. This is one of those times. There is loss in divorce caused solely by one party - even if someone wants to tell you both parties were at fault. Sometimes, that is a lie. This is one of those times.

I am in a melancholy mood today. My cousin passed away and I feel somewhat bereft about her absence from this world. Nowhere in my reasoning do I recollect expecting her to be gone physically from us this early in her life, let alone my own.

I find myself in a peculiar position. I gained my cousin through marriage, and we grew to love one another. When the divorce was final, our love remained. Other relationships stretched a little, but they remained based in love. Since my ex husband is remarried, there is definitely a place where his wife should fit into his extended family. I don't want to usurp her authority as his wife.

Be that as it may, such a poignant, emotional time as this finds me on the proverbial tightrope, trying to maintain socially and politically correct balance. I want to be in the presence of my family, supporting and loving them, unconditionally. I have to be mindful of boundaries that divorce dictates - even if I don't know what that redistricting encompasses.

I am going to be with my family in a few days, with disregard to any distance or time that has been between us; only concentrating on the fact that God's love drew us together, and that same love will keep us.

When you live in a divorced family, you are going to continually work out what that new family unit looks like. Don't let that picture be ever narrowing - let it be non constrictive. Love is an expanding virtue.


  1. Thanks. Hanging in is what I know how to do. Learning and leaning on God, day by day.

  2. That's tough. I tried to remain in contact with my ex's family after the divorce, but things changed. :/ I am glad you're hanging in there. <3

  3. I can only look at this from afar. Although we have had some divorce in our family (3 of my sisters) my parents, my in-laws and our family have not been divided by it. I am sorry about your cousin and only pray God's peace on the entire situation.

  4. Sorry to hear about your loss...and everything else you discussed, I hear ya. It's complicated, confusing and, well, a million other adjectives you could use to describe living life as a divorcee.

  5. Divorce can definitely put a strain on family relations. From what I've seen with my brother in law's divorce, it's b hard to maintain those relationships.